Whom I Have Blocked Out

/ /

Asked Have you ever asked….. ridden a horse before….. / Said
He’s real gentle….. and lifted me up

I trusted what men said was gentle
to hurt….. and I knew I couldn’t say / No

to what men said was gentle
and lifted me up

* …. * …. *

Onto the horse no….. saddle he
Without a saddle seemed….. naked the horse seemed more

Naked than I could make myself naked
but not….. / As naked as I could be made to be….. / Lifted

me up from the day / At the farm
Into the memory already forming

* …. * …. *

Me crouched low trembling clinging to the mane
The mane….. alive but not as part / Of the body of the horse alive

As part of the wind a fire at the end of the wind
Me burning in it six….. years old by six

I have / Already been….. / A sickness in the hearts of men
By six I’ve been the sieve through

* …. * …. *

Which they expel their sickness
said / You ever

ridden said the man….. who must have been
the father of the friend / From school who had invited me to the farm

And this is how I have forgiven him….. / I have remembered
only the beginning of the ride

* …. * …. *

Then nothing then the bath….. in the trough in the field
Far from the house in the brown water stripping in / The field

your body is a gift you have to live through
Remember me my suffering to me

To whom….. have I been suffering
To whom will I be healed